Lists

Things I am happy about.

1) Falwell dying
2) Seeing Kaye in five days
3) Finals (almost) being over
4) Getting to go to graduation this year
5) Not doing anything tremendously stupid this semester. I know, it's not much, but it's kind of an achievement for me.

Things I am anxious about.

1) Moving
2) Transferring
3) Financial aid
4) Final projects

Things I am sad about.

1) Having to say peace out to Potsdam
2) The fact that I'll never see my parents as much as I have for the past 20 years
3) Missed opportunities, but that's always the case
4) Shitty GPA

Dental

I was feeling around my mouth with my tongue (I know, Kaye should do it, but she's sadly absent at this point) and I feel something strange. Unfortunately there's a rather nasty black hole in my upper left wisdom tooth. I know they've caused problems for other people, but I've always been proud of how well-behaved mine have been so there's a tough of deservedness with this. There's just this big, black, gaping hole in my tooth now.

Also, no health insurance of any sort, much less dental coverage.

Mitchell claims to be able to rip it out and do some gum cutting and I'm so distraught at this point that part of me is considering it. A very small, very quiet, and very much ignored part.

YouTube Problems

So I'm trying to upload my attempt at the 'Blasphemy Challenge' in which us uncloseted atheists are challenged to say so on the public domain of the internet. That's fine. I'll deny the holy spirit all day long. What I won't deny is the pain-in-the-assness of trying to get the shitty video editing software that came with my webcam to sync up with YouTube's uploading software. Any tips would be welcome, but I may just say fuck it and hope that the fact that "rationalist" is one of the most common tags on my blog will speak loudly enough about my belief system.

A Link!

Lorna Dee Cervantes

That is a link to her personal blog. She also has a professional blog and a "daily poem" blog over on MySpace. Her reading today was fantastic and a real pleasure to be in the audience for. Her MySpace profile is ridiculously entertaining and I was not expecting there to be quite so many quizzes and surveys on there. Check her out. Buy her book.

Nontheistic Senator in California

Story Here

This is an interesting step in politics, but unlikely to change anything. Besides the representative being in one of the most atheistic-friendly states in the country, his record of getting re-elected consistently, and the fact that he is a non-theistic Unitarian and not a full rationalist, it's only a baby step to having, say, an atheist president.

Baby-steps are good though. I imagine it would help considerably if world leaders were motivated more by worldly concerns, like the economy and war for example, instead of sucking up to their invisible friends.

Readings, Productions, and Writing

So about seven hours ago now I read my short story about the bear in front of a decent-sized group of people. I was careful to read slow enough to be understandably, to place dramatic pauses where appropriate, to maintain the rhythms appropriate to the energy level of the passage. I feel that my reading skills have improved considerably since the last time I had to do one in public. It was well received; laughter in places where it was desirable, though a couple of the jokes were misses. I should have noted down where those jokes were as opposed to others... Oh well. Next time (if there is one) I'll make sure to do that. Dr. Kenny is interested in working with me on the story to publish in Adirondack Life, which paid him $800 for a poem so there should be a fair chunk of money in it for me. He suggests that I do not tell them I am a student. I dislike that I have to lie about myself except that I do not dislike it all. I quite enjoy lying about myself, at least with people I don't especially care about and when it's funny to people that I do care about.

So hopefully I'll get some money from that.

My play "Glass House" was produced a little over a week ago. Fantastic job! The director was spot on and the actors were all amazing and seemed to understand the characters perfectly. I couldn't have hoped for better results, especially after the somewhat underwhelming production of "Chicken Dinner" last year. I'll admit, I was worried at one point when Mr. Sparks was not getting in touch with me as much as I would have liked but I don't think my presence at a meeting would have done any good and would, in fact, have hindered the smoothness of the production. I only have the highest hopes for next month's version.

I wrote a short screenplay for my younger brother, Abraham. It's about the Iraq war apparently. If he goes through with it and acts it out and records it etc. I will make sure to upload the video onto one of the myriad hosting websites available now and embed it here. It's not a bad idea, but I've been somewhat too busy (read: lazy) to get to it. Hopefully he has some feedback for me.

The apartment process is going... somewhat roughly. Things could be better on that front. However, I remain optimistic. Worse things have worked out well for me in the past and I am sure that this will shape up in my favor. My cousin may have to lend me money which always chaffs, but as long as I can return it to him promptly I'll try not to feel guilty.

Potsdam Students: Please attend the show "Seven in a Web," at Creative Spirit downtown across from the Cantina, Wed. May 9 at 7:30. My play will be up, which is of course fantastic, but everyone else's work is exemplary as well and no part of it should be too torturous.

lolnimoy

Thoughts on Gay Marriage

To begin with I do understand that this issue is touchy as hell for a lot of people. The whole question of marriage has gotten tied up with the issue of equality, which is separate because marriage is largely a religious institution in this country. I will try to approach it with more
tact that I normally do.

I think one of the best things the gay movement could do in this situation would be to differentiate between legal marriage and church marriage. Legal marriage is a status that brings with it certain tax breaks, insurance coverage, legal powers and other tangible and very real benefits. This is what the movement should be pushing for, and all the movement should be pushing for. Under this concept of marriage your spouse is simply a live-in and hopefully permanent roommate with a shared income. There's no reason that gay couples shouldn't be allowed this; the difference between a two-gender legal marriage and single-gender legal marriage is essentially nil, since the state really should not be concerned with whether or not there is sex occuring within the marriage. None of their business. Of course, certain provisions of legal marriage are there for children and those should be given only to couple with children, whether adopted, from previous marriages, or produced withing the marriage.

Church marriage, on the other hand, is a religious institution and decisions about this are not in the hands of the government. Gay couples should not push to have their marriage recognized by the church. It's a losing battle and ultimately unimportant since it does not bring with it any tangible benefits. There are certain recognitions that come with it but these recognitions are less important than those that would be created by the government recognising single gender unions. Pushing the church to recognise same-sex couples is, in the end, no different than churches pushing gay people to become heterosexual. You can't change peoples' minds in topics like this, especially not large and indoctrinated groups of people.

So, in my opinion, gay people should be able to get fully legal state-recognised marriage licenses and churches should be able to decide who they do and do not want to recognise.

The strangest rumors get started about me

I was outside having a smoke with this guy that I've talked to a couple of times and he's out there with his friend. His friend is looking at me with these big eyes the whole time and it's making me, you know, a little uncomfortable. We're talking about the weather and such and his friend bursts out with "You're a hynotist?" I guess some guy named Tim told him I was a hypnotist. I don't understand where this came from.

I am not a hynotist, stage magician, or charlatan of any sort any more than I am circumcised.

"The only good Atheist is a dead Atheist."

When leaving the courtroom the 'Christian' Shelton family lay in wait for us in the hallway. Their tears dried, they surrounded us shouting these comments: "The one good thing of all of this is that another Atheist is dead and the world is better off for it" and "The only good Atheist is a dead Atheist."

Story Here

To explain...

In order to pre-answer the question "James, what was that outburst about?" I will point you to

The Secret

Now that website, and the movie contained therein, is made up of some of the softest thinking I have ever seen. It stars a combination of wishful new-age positive mumbo jumbo with a nice helping of misinterpreted theoretical physics. Silly, silly, silly. The idea that the human mind could have effects on the physical universe beyond manipulating the body to reach out and move something is stupid. Frankly, plainly, clearly stupid. If this works for one person it will fail for nine. And the people they casted to give statement! The co-author of "Chicken Soup for the Soul"? A peddler of anecdotes and homespun frippery. The author of "Men are from Mars etc."? A carnival salesman with a cart full of bottles of simple advice and compressed stereotype.

Anyone that tells you that they know how to fix your life is trying to sell you something. Anyone. God, man, or angel, they're trying to give you a product and get more from you than it cost them to produce their product. That's not atheism. It's capitalism.

So what's that little badge thing on the side there mean?

Well, this is obviously not for people that pick this up on an RSS. But if you look at the actual side instead of some abomination of it, you'll see a little badge down on the right that says I'm a member of somethin' called the "Rationalist Response Squad."

So what's that mean? It means I'm out, or as much further out as I can be. It's yet another public testament to the fact that I don't believe in Jesus, Odin, Vishnu, Allah, the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, ghosts, goblins, faith healing, ESP, Uri Geller, magic, souls, reincarnation, heaven, hell, purgatory, nirvana, or any other fairy tale that humans make up so that they can pay a little less attention to the important, material things that surround us. I don't believe in distractions or excuses, I believe man is ultimately accountable to himself and that there is no stupider reason to do something than "God made me do it," whether those actions are good and bad. I believe that religion and spirituality and mysticism are ultimately limiting and negative forces on the world. I believe that every time a Christian says "the rapture is coming soon" they're saying "let's keep using all the oil." That every time a Mormon wakes someone up before noon they're commiting a crime. That every time a Pagan burns a candle and dances around a campfire they're wasting their time in the most explicit manner possible.

I deny the Holy Spirit, which according the Bible is an unforgivable sin. Don't hold much water with you non-christians out there but I'll tell ya what, any of you send me something to say in public that will have the same affect with your invisible friends drop me a line and I'll get on it.

Why I don't blog more

Yeah, so I'm not the most volluminous person on these here interwebs. It happens, yes? The important thing to keep in mind is that 90% of the things posted onto these tubes is pure, outright complaining. Occasionally somebody honestly has something bad happen to them and they're putting it out there. Often it's just mediocre silly things that aren't actually unique or of any interest whatsoever.

Bad things don't happen to me. In spite of the ups and downs of life, and my reputation as a negative asshole, I tend to be rather glass-half-full in my day to day life and when something negative happens I gloss over it or move on or do something with it to make it not seem so bad. With this tragic loss of drama in my life I don't have much to write about in here that would not be more suited to my offline handwritten journal.

So who's got some drama for me? Does anyone want to pick a fight? Does anyone think the internet is serious business enough that they feel like started some long-term spat that I can write about? Please?

Muttonchops

Check it out I've got muttonchops now.

School started

Like a week ago. Pretty uneventful so far. Classes I've got:

Biblical Heritage in Literature

Seems pretty good so far. The professor is enthusiastic and the material seems interesting. It seems like we'll be focusing very much on specific literary movements and history, as well as looking at bible stories as literature. I think that the professor may be biblically biased (read: Christian) but lord knows that sort of bias has never swayed me before! No doubt I will remain a staunch atheist throughout. It is entirely possible that hearing about the bible will inspire me to write some stories based on the events in it. Even if it's bad history and philosophy, it's still interesting.

Editing and Revision

The professor in this class seems... barely trained for teaching. She has a meandering style I find annoying. I enrolled in the class hoping and expecting that it would be practical application of grammatical rules, but instead it seems like it's going to be focusing on the publishing and professional aspects of the practice. Still, I know am the proud owner of the "Chicago Manual of Style" which seems like an interesting and educational text book that will serve me well in the future. I'll get what I can out of the class and leave shoddy teaching techniques behind!

Fiction Workshop

Taking another Fiction Workshop? Madness! But with a different professor and a whole new series of ideas to work off of I think repeating the experience will be beneficial. Dr. Kenny is a good teacher, or at least he has been in the past, and I think his mad poet ways will show me a few new tricks that I did not pick up in Dr. Henry's more lectury course. I like writing either way, and working on some new stuff should be good.

---

The most notable change to this semester's activities is my new habit of writing a to-do list the night before the day begins. Hopefully this will help me do things like, oh, read for class, or do my homework before the night it's due. I have two signs hanging up on the wall; one says "Pass," the other "Fail" and since I write my to-do lists on post-it notes I put completed lists below "Pass," and uncompleted below "Fail." Right now the score is 1-3, but if the "Fail" list gets too long it will hopefully shame me into working harder. Either way, I'm off to a good start and hopefully my grades will go up and I'll be able to slide into an idyllic home life with Ms. Smith sooner rather than later.

On the Kaye front, things are going well. She's had some problems at home that I can't do justice to in my own words. I wish that I could be there to help her with them and comfort her, but the situation doesn't allow for it. She's tough as nails, though, and taking care of things as well by herself and she could with my help; the most I can do is make the process perhaps less stressful. I am, as always, proud of her and the way she carries herself.

The new living situation is good. I'm rooming with Mike this semester instead of Jon (random internet people have no idea who I'm talking about) and the incidences of sexile have decreased infinitely. I have spend unfortunate amounts of time playing computer games but that's always the case after the media deprivation of breaks at my father's house.

The semester ought to be pleasant, and I can only look forward to the future.

Met with my attorney.

His name was Tucker C. Stanclift, Esq., part of "Silvestri & Stanclift, LLP". His office was very nice and he gave me a pen. He gave me a business card also, which has instructions for what to say if I got arrested again, as follows:

• I want to call a lawyer and call a member of my family.
• I want to exercise my right to remain silent and to consult with a lawyer without exception.
• I do not even want to talk about giving up my rights until I have consulted a lawyer.
• I do not consent to a search of any kind.

Hopefully I don't need to use these lines at any point in the near future, but I guess it's possible!

He explained to me the different levels of legal difficulty, felony through violation, and the different penalties associated with them. He explained that the penalties he was talking about were maximum penalties and usually they were not so severe. For example a speeding ticket has a maximum penalty of 15 days in county jail. No one goes to jail for a speeding ticket.

We then talked about my case in particular and he asked me questions to clear up some things in my statements. He told me about a similar case he had defended, where a 21 year old girl bought liquor for her brother's prom party and one of the kids crashed his car and died on the way home. Even though there was a fatality involved, she pleaded down to a violation which doesn't go on your criminal record.

All in all I am optimistic about my chances of getting out of this without permanent damage to my good name. I found Mr. Stanclift to be reassuring.

I just saw a spider.

It's on the door frame next to me. It's moving up and down kind of pointlessly, I'm not sure what it's planning on doing. One of my first instincts is to squash it, but why would I do that? It hasn't done anything to me and even if it bit me I could hardly blame it. It's not like I would react any differently if something so large in comparison was close to me. Mind you I would probably hide. This little bastard is just kind of sitting there. I don't even like killing mosquitoes.

One of my nastiest childhood memories is when I was out on a boy scout trip as a kid. I found a little newt, one of those brilliant orange ones with the spots. We were moving on and I had to get rid of it so I put it in the water to see if it could swim. It could, but all of these fish started taking bites out of it, and my uncle said something along the lines of "good job, now it's going to get eaten, why'd you do that?" It was just a newt, they were all over the place, but I felt terrible about killing it. I try not to step on caterpillars, swat flies, and I'll probably crash into a tree swerving at some point in an attempt to not hit a silly little bird.

What's been happenin'.

Alright, it's been a little while but I didn't want to post because it might be self-incriminating. I'll just keep it barebones.

Since I last posted I've been arrested for a Class A Misdemeanor, "Unlawfully Dealing with a Child in the First Degree in violation of Section 260.20 Subdivision 2 of the Penal Law of the State of New York." I have a sheet in front of me that says, right on the front, "The People of the State of New York vs. James A. Beardsley." That's kinda cool. So anyone that reads this that's from New York, please call me so we can come up with a time and place to fight, thanks. I gotta take you all on one at a time so it might take awhile. Upstate first, then downstate. But basically the story of how this happened is that there was a little party when I got back from school and some unsavory characters showed up and stabbed each other so the police got involved. C'est triste and all that. I'll probably get a free attorney and get slapped in the face with a big legal dick, but I'm not too worried. (I'm a little terrified)

The holidays were good. I got more presents from Kaye's mother than I did my own, funny that, but it was a nice gesture on her part and I appreciate it, especially so soon after I got in trouble. I ain't gonna put pictures of the stuff I got up here because I don't have a camera. Suffice it to say I got a fantastic black leather notebook with gold on the edges and a ribbon bookmark. I've turned it into a journal.

New Year's was excellent. Bonfire at Dougherty's house, I made out with someone at midnight for the first time ever, hurrah hurrah. Someone being Kaye, of course, hopefully we'll have many more new year's make outs.

Tension is high with my father as usual. Oh well.

No job, unfortunately. Haven't been in to see the pizza place owner yet - might have a job there? We'll see. The break is, frankly, half way through though and I don't know how much a job would help me at this point. Maybe for fines, huh? The Gore job... I applied there and never got a call back, the fuckers. I was pretty sure they were looking to hire but I guess I can't always be right. Thank goodness I can always be good looking.